Why Wendys is the Superior Fast Food Chain

The first Wendys was opened in Rome and led directly to the end of their empire. When Dave Thomas opened the first Wendys is Rome in 1500 BC, he wanted a place where Romans and Greeks could get together and talk about representative government.

Because cows were extremely abundant in Rome at this time, the natural food to be served at his new restaurant was beef. Tired of the same old steak and cheese subs, Dave Thomas decided to do something different, so he ground the raw beef up and then stuck it back together. Originally he did not call his new food item a hamburger; it was originally called a cow patty. Eventually they developed the nick name “Mrs. Hamilton’s Burglars”, because Emperor Hamilton was known to sneak downstairs in the middle of the night when his wife was asleep, to eat cow patties he had hidden around the palace.

Mrs. Hamilton didn’t think he should be eating them because of his cholesterol level. One night she heard a noise downstairs, and when she ran into Emperor Hamilton, she though he was a robber, and she almost stabbed him with her night sword. Hence, the nick name “Mrs. Hamilton’s Burglars”. Over time this clumsy name got abbreviated to simply Ham-Burglars, and then finally the modern, hamburgers.

In any event, it was at a meeting between the Romans and the Greeks at a Wendys that an argument erupted over which army’s outfits were more slimming. This argument grew until finally the Greeks declared War on the Romans. As we all know, the Romans lost that war, and their empire in the process.

Lucky for America! If Rome hadn’t lost their grip on the world, the original 13 colonists, Adam, John, Mark, Mitch, Lucas, Simone, Jerome, Brian, Francis, Jerry, Fred, Natasha, and Emmanuel, would never have been able to spread out over the never-before-lived-in Unites States and begin America. All American school children grow up learning about how integral a role Wendys played in their national founding. Furthermore, many Americans don’t realize that McDonalds and Burger King both helped finance Germany during World War II, and that Wendys was the only fast food restaurant to criticize Hitler as, “naughty.”

It is for these reasons, among others, that Wendys is generally considered to be the greatest of all fast food restaurants. Not in Rome however, they are still quite cross actually.